Being engaged is the primary milestone in a relationship. I was not only engaged before but also married, and - Spoiler warning - it didn't turn out well. I was married when I was 22 years old when I was personally not mature enough to get married. I don't know myself well enough to see that immaturity. Now I am almost five years older, and I know better in a relationship that is committed to happiness. I know that only loving someone is not enough for a successful marriage.
Many people love each other, but couples who manage to maintain a truly happy marriage for life are rare. That's because marriage is not about dresses or parties or flower arrangements. It's about placing work days for the rest of your life. If you feel your partner is preparing to apply or you have talked about engagement, here are 11 questions that I learned really -key to determining whether you and your partner are ready or not.
Are we engaged for the right reason?
You should not be engaged because you are waiting for a beautiful marriage. Conversely, you should not be engaged because only "what people do." Talk to your partner about why both of you are interested in marriage. What does it mean to you, and why is it now the right time to move forward?
Do I feel safe in my life outside of this person?
No need to say that if you are not mature enough to navigate solo life, you are not mature enough to prioritize your relationship for life, sometimes because of your interests. Make sure you feel comfortable with yourself before committing to others.
Is this person safe in their life?
Of course, this suggestion goes in two directions-you don't want to marry someone who will become fickle about your life together. Make sure your partner is in the right place in life (and the right frame of mind) to commit to being happy.
Am I ready to leave the past?
After you get married, the only way out is divorce or separation. Making sure you have solved the problems you have about the past, especially those related to your ex, might save feelings.
Do I know who I am and what I am fighting for?
If you are not sure what you do with your life in terms of your career or your values, this is not the right time to make long-term commitments such as being engaged. You want to feel confident about these things and ensure you are on the same page as your partner.
Do I trust this person inside and outside?
Trust is the key to any relationship, but that does not only mean in terms of loyalty! Do you trust your partner to protect themselves financially? Do you trust them to respect you rather than the opinions of their friends? It is crucial to have a conversation that is sometimes difficult before you agree to install.
What are this person and I want the same thing?
Make sure you have talked about your long-term vision to live together before you get engaged. The classical agreement is that one person wants children while the other is not. It can also be an earnest agreement. But other plans are as important: Will, your partner, demand that you go home at 5:30 every day while you want to hurry and grind to advance your career?
Does this person support my personal growth?
Of course, there will always be differences between partners. Do you both have enough respect for each other to respect the personal goals of others and be happy to support them? Maybe your partner is career oriented when you have a mindset of "work for life" instead.
If I have to compromise for this person, will I hate them?
A compromise must have occurred at several points in your relationship. For example, if your partner wants to return to school, you might have to work extra hours or submit certain things to support the family. Will you go to your partner's dream and vice versa? Or will you hate having to compromise?
What are my values about marriage?
Take time to think about how you view marriage as an institution and what your values are around it. Why marriage, as opposed to a long-term partnership, is essential to you? Evaluating this belief will help you determine whether you really want to get married or whether you only do it because people say you have to do it.
What will happen if we break up?
Finally, don't forget to ask yourself what your backup plans are. Do you think you are safe enough to make everything work if you break up? If not, now maybe it's time to do it yourself rather than rushing to get married. Not all marriages were successful.
