MY LIFE has been difficult. So different things have inspired me to be successful. First I lost my mother when I was 12 and a few months later my dad remarried. Life wasn’t the same after that. I lost a place to call home, a family to call my own, and the necessary attention a child needs. For the better part of my teens, I prayed and wished to complete school, and be able to rent a place of my own. A place to call home.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, I got pregnant before finishing my high school education. Now I had a child to take care of, no home to live in, and no parental support in raising the child. Except for my maternal grandmother who tried her best and offered to stay with me and help me raise my child. As you notice, the dad is deadbeat by now.
He was completely detached. Life went from bad to worse. It is also an abomination to give birth out of wedlock in my country. Once you have a child while unmarried, you lose face. Now I was an orphan who had added salt to a wound and had a child.
The rhythm changed, I was now motivated by the fear of embarrassment. I had to become someone in life. I had to come rain or sunshine. I did not attend school for at least two years but I forced myself to go back to school to do my final exams(kcse) two weeks after birth. And I passed enough to join the university.
When my results rolled in, my stepdad convinced me to stay at home for a year to take care of my newborn. The motivation wasn’t my own here. My grandmother did not accept and forced me to continue my education. I was a little reluctant but she insisted and offered to raise my child while I schooled. I succeeded, but on someone else’s motivation.
I completed my university studies, but it wasn’t easy, not even for a day. But I pushed on, my child deserved the best. When I was 23, I got my wish. As established from my earlier posts, I’m a black woman living in a rural town in my country. The time came and I inherited what belonged to my mother which included a fully furnished house and a sizable piece of land. According to everyone, I was the luckiest person ever.
Now I had a place to call home and I wasn’t living off relatives any longer. I could sleep comfortably and my child could be free to live her life. This is also the time when her father tried to warm himself back into our lives. Well, I didn’t mind, I loved him and I accepted. We went on for about two months before he got a job offer and everything came crashing again.
My daughter got sick with an ear infection and we all know how ear infections are painful. Long story short, I was broke and we both ended up crying. I called her dad and he promised to help but first, he had to make me suffer for it. He refused to pick up my calls or reply to messages and I almost have up. I was ready to give up my child to him out of desperation and feeling of inadequacy.
I failed to realize that my child was feeling abandoned. She felt how I felt. She could understand that her father didn’t want to help her get medication. And here I was ready to pawn her off to someone who probably saw her as a nuisance.
I was still deep in thoughts when my child came to me dressed up with a note in her hand. She told me she was ready to go to her dad’s. I asked her why and she said she wanted to give him the note personally and then she’ll come back. I asked her for the note. I couldn’t comprehend much of what she wrote. She signed her name and wrote “jua sikutaki, umeskia siku taki”. “I don’t want you, you hear me, I don’t want you”.
I couldn’t believe what I had put my child through. I had been so stupid. I wanted her dad to be responsible so badly that I didn’t notice what was happening to my child. I faked a happy relationship for years just to appear perfect. I couldn’t accept that he wasn’t ever going to be there for his child.
About that time, I realized that I was only broke because I had stopped freelancing. That day I resumed my freelancing career and vowed to never ask him for any help ever again. The rejected look on my daughter’s face is what has motivated me since then. In all I did and still do, I make sure that my child feels safe and wanted.
I felt the rejection for years and wanted so hard to keep us together for the sake of our child, but ended up hurting her nonetheless.
In conclusion, there isn’t one success and your motivation can change. You just have to be willing to let go of some things that are pulling you down. Also, do not forget about the well-being of all those around you in your pursuit of success. You could end up losing the best people.
