First, I’m glad that you are here. It is not easy to accept conflict and
much harder to devote your time to conscious conflict management. Secondly, you
are not alone, relationship conflicts are common. Three in five relationships
have disagreements at least once a month, and one in those has disagreements
every week. So generally relationships are stressful, and it’s okay to admit
that. Just as it’s okay to work towards managing your stress levels.
It is imperative to understand that a relationship is not some magic crystal
that tells you what you want when you want. It requires work. So, before we
proceed, understand why you are in the relationship, and that requires both of
you to be on the same page on this. If you are after different things in the
relationship, find a middle ground, and if one isn’t there, do yourselves both
a huge favor and find other partners. Life is too short to live a lie.
Here is a step to step guide on how to manage relationship stress:
Identify your conflict style
Identify what you do when you are under pressure. Do you confront your
partner right away or ignore the whole situation and act as if nothing
happened? Or do you look for a compromise? No conflict style is wrong and no
one should judge you for how you react.
There are online quizzes that can help you identify your conflict style.
From there, you can both find common ground where you can both communicate and
understand one another when faced with conflict.
Press pause
Sometimes you need to take a moment of self-reflection before switching on
the snap button. Yeah, something is amiss, and it has been bothering you for a
week, and you feel you are about to blow, take a minute to breathe and
self-reflect.
First are you hungry? If you are, eat a snack to relieve some stress. Most
conflicts can be avoided through food. If food isn’t the problem, ask yourself
if you are angry. If you are, sit down and calmly access your other options
besides snapping.
You may also be just tired. After a long day’s work, many things may upset
you. It is better to take a short nap before dealing with such issues. Always
watch out for these three before reacting to a stressful situation.
Communicate
We said pause, but that doesn’t mean the conflict should be swept under the
rag. It only serves to prevent you from blowing things out of proportion. Once
you’ve calmed down, approach your partner and have a calm meaningful
conversation with proven
relationship communication skills that will change your relationship
immediately. Tell them how their actions made you feel, and how they can
help you out.
It is also imperative to listen to your partner about the same matter,
because sometimes, you may be the problem. If things get heated up during the
conversation, be ready with an icebreaker, usually a cup of tea or an
invitation to dine out. This will give both of you time to stow before resuming
your conversation.
However, don’t ever suggest going to bed and talking about it the next day,
the night is too long to be mad at each other. And if you must, make it clear
that you still love each other and only prefer to talk in the morning because
you are both tired and need a clear head for communication. Hold each other at
night, don’t give the devil the chance to come in between.
If you already snapped, don’t worry. No man is beyond an apology. Apologize
to your partner and proceed to explain to them why that happened. Where there
is love, there is understanding.
Manage your expectations
Change does not happen overnight. Expecting that is unrealistic and toxic of
you. The change will come, but it will probably take a few days or weeks, but
it comes. Take that time to reflect on your conversation without bringing it up
to your partner. Once the change comes, tell your partner that you appreciate
their consideration. They love you more than they love being right and are
genuinely working to make sure that you are okay.
However, don’t be blind and want a simple change for a long time. If you
need help with taking out the trash, that change should be immediate, if it is
not, it’s time to consider cutting your losses. Some things do not require much
time to change. If it’s a drinking habit, understand that your partner may
relapse, be there for them, and give them time to fully heal. However, the
healing process should begin as soon as possible, the healing period depends.
Don’t overshare
Many people advise couples to talk out their conflict and that’s very wrong.
Many things should always remain between the both of you. Don’t go around
telling your friends every nook and crack that’s in your relationship. Know
when to talk and when not to, and many times, you don’t have to. Friends are
vicious, and not everyone wants your relationship until you survive the storm.
So keep your conflicts closed doors and only involve family and friends when
necessary. Consider a licensed therapist before involving family and friends.
Conflict is better managed without prying eyes and judgments from other people.
Hold on to your bubble, don’t prick it. And friends will prick that bubble many
times.
In conclusion, be self-conscious. Be self-aware and aware of your
surroundings, and the state of your relationship. Don’t hold on if the milk is
already spilled. You can never fetch that milk back, and stop dreaming that you
can.
