Jealousy is endearing, but sometimes it is like a leaking pipe soaking your walls. With time, it does serious damage if not managed. It is important to note that sometimes jealousy is logical and to avoid gaslighting your partner.
However, retroactive jealousy does not make sense. Let us
all be honest about that. An ex is an ex for a reason, and they are in the
past. Focusing on the future is best. The excess can cast a shadow on your
relationship, that’s for sure. You never know the full story as you only hear
the negatives, the unfairness of the breakup, and how the split negatively
affected the children or family.
There are special cases where a breakup is celebrated. That
doesn’t mean there are no questions still. Jealousy over an ex can be due to
many reasons and unanswered mysteries. Were they sexier, nicer, or kinder?
Or do they keep in touch?
There are ways of combating such challenges. They include;
Setting a
solid foundation
Get into a relationship knowing your true intentions and
that there are exes. At this point, you may or may not know the ex. Ensure that
you set a strong foundation on trust, communication, growth, fun, commitment,
and connection. The stronger these six elements are, the less likely your
relationship will be shaken by an ex.
Ask about
the ex
Knowing a few things about the ex may be good for
understanding your partner’s past. However, there is absolutely no need to
bring up an ex if they don’t impact your life now or in the future. Sometimes
the past has to stay there.
There are relationships that end mutually, and pocking is
unhealthy for the ex. Always consider the other party in such situations.
Ask about the ex if they start showing up. It is also
important to clearly introduce your ex as an ex, not a friend, as that may be
misleading to your partner.
Set
boundaries
That only happens if the ex keeps communicating with your
partner or vice versa. Communicate with your partner and find out why they keep
in touch, if it’s for the children, set clear boundaries. Clearly tell your
partner your limits, what is acceptable and what isn’t, and what your
expectations are. Here
are a few communication skills that will help your relationship.
Inform the
ex
This is not your job but your partner’s. Communicate to
them about clarifying to the ex that their road ended, and you both will
appreciate respect. They must respect your boundaries and, if possible, not act like a douche.
Stay in the
present
Some exes are from hell, so try your best to stay in the
present and not let stress get to you. Don’t punish your partner because
of a toxic ex; actively work on your relationship and be there for your
partner. Jealousy may cloud your judgment if you don’t, and you may end up
losing something good in the process.
In conclusion, remind your partner that you love them daily and avoid jealousy, especially if your partner does not tolerate
the said ex.
